i used to think “struggling with your faith,” looked like a confident denunciation of religion - to say out loud, “i don’t believe in Jesus or Heaven or Hell,” to adopt atheism or agnosticism.
i’ve never “struggled with my faith”.
it’s of late been placed on me that “struggling with your faith” very rarely looks quite like that. it doesn’t happen all at once with a bang. it’s a whisper, a dance. it’s foggy. it’s mundane. it's ongoing.
it doesn’t have to be, “i’m not going to read the bible or pray, because i don’t believe in Jesus.”
more often, it’s simply, “i’m not going to read the bible or pray, because I don’t believe that it will benefit me or anyone else even as much as watching this episode of seinfeld.”
i’ve struggled with my faith.
i struggle with my faith.